ewwwies

my name’s serafena, please dont shorten it.
i dont like the name sera and calling me fena would be just stupid
i’ve lived in melton all my life and i currently attend melton high.
great place to send you kids..if you hate them!
despite the cruddy public school educational facilities im right into life right now. its just so much fun!
i love old songs that have managed to secure a place on most people’s ipods 30 or so years later. thats talent i wish we saw more of lately.
but never fear, there’s lots of ace things about this generation too like like cold rock and starwars episode III.
i love patterned stockings and big old woolen jumpers with turtle necks.
i love my family, i love my friends, i love to go out, i love to stay in, i hate it when there’s to much seaweed at the beach and right now i want to be a gypsie when i grow up.
add me!

That’s Serafena Jones’s myspace about me. i think she’s brilliant. we sit together in english and are usually the only to girls to join in, in sport.
when i read her “about me” i added her straight away without even thinking. she commented me to say hello and that she’d noticed i just started at melton. we chatted a little bit, then the next day in english i has an invitation to sit with her and i was on top of the world. She’s probably the most well liked girl in the school. there are still those classic popluar girls but none of them have as many friends as serafena jones.
I dunno what i like about her so much but my high opinion of her seems to be shared by most the student body, the teachers and nearly ever other being that she encounters.
she’s totally different to my friends back in ringwood. i wasn’t one of “the popluar girls” and i never really aspired to be. the poplar girls at ringwood weren’t all that. all they did was fight with eachother and swap boyfriends every second week. i was content with my group of four. we were the sensible girls, doing our homework together, discussing books and occasionally ducking down to the shops to catch a movie and buy some clothes. i was happy with that, i was used to that but serafena  has captured my imagination.
She is just so vibrant and happy and has no doubt in her mind (or anyone elses)that she’ll change the world. i wish i was more like that. before i started at this school i thought i had it all worked out, but i didn’t and she does. i thought i had enough confidence to make people want to come over and talk to me but i didn’t. she makes it look so easy to captivate everyones attention and still come off so humble.

god i sound like i have a full on lesbian crush in her, but thats not it. it’s more an admiration of how she;s got it all worked out. she parties without ruining her life, she’s always so busy but she does well in school, she;s pretty and knows it but isnt self absorbed. overall i’d just say she was so secure with herself and thats something i’d always thought i was but reading through this blog im beginning to think maybe im less secure then i thought i was. maybe people like serafena jones don’t need a blog to untangle the complex thoughts and feelings that’s ultimately leads them to the realisation that there content with their hand in life then they’ve ever let onto anyone. i didn’t want to be plain old polly anymore. i want to people to notice, i want people to care i want to be accepted into serafena’s group and be wild and out-there and change the world with them. because that would make me feel good about myself. i never thought of myself as the type of person who needed that kind of acceptance but i do and maybe thats normal.

Gosh its amazing how much you can learn about yourself from someone else. i dont think i could have realised all this if it wasn;t written right there infront of me.

Well apparently my mother thinks im a complete social retard so she emailed me saying to read this book called “Odd Girl Out” by Rachel Simmons. turns out blogging not for mum so we just email eachother, but seriously, thanks mum, thanks for thinking im a bulls-eye victem for ‘the hidden agression in girls’.

I read the first chapter or two of this book, but within the first pages it didnt really apply to me. No ones trying to sabatage me or make my life miserable at this school, they just don’t take that much interets in the fact that im their. im slowly getting to know people anyway and i’ve made a fair few friends, enough to have someone to sit with in every class anyway. The only thing that really wrong is that i havnt really found where i belong yet or found the group that i really fit in with.

the main thing that annoyed me about the book is that it was so obviously written by an adult, scarred by her own childhood experiences and wanted to make herself feel like it was something everyone went through and not just her. and everyone needed to talk about it and not just her, and EVERYONE needed to be aware of the cause of their pain and NOT JUST HER! Show this to any other teenager and they’d agree that everyone think’s that they dont fit in, or feel left out at one stage but it’s not a life altering thing because eventually you find your stance and stop bickering. yes some cases are more sever then others and yes, girls can be terrible to eachother but it’s not forever. “Mean Girls” is a more accurate analysis of “the hidden culture of agression in girls” because it shows the terrible things they do to eachother (it its most exaggorated form, mind) BUT THEN it shows how it all settles down, and the issues arnt as important anymore, and people do find their place in the end.

i dunno i guess i just didn’t like they way she tried to spell out the way i must be feeling said “don’t worry, every other girl in the whole world knows exactly how it feels to be you.” Adults think they understand everything. well you can’t know what a persons feeling unless your that person, so maybe you shoudn’t write a whole book assuming you know everything there is about an age  group you no longer belong to. 

Anyone who says highschool is the best days of your life is lying. or maybe it’s that when they look back on it they only remember the good and not the bad. well, i’ve finished my first week at Melton and it got better but its far from being the time of my life. I’ve started hanging out with these other girls, Mel and Sally, and no one really seems surprised. from what i gather these girls are always the ones to take in the new kid, but all of them end up moving away to other groups in the end. i wonder if i will. i like them, their nice but i dunno, i dont really contribute much to the conversation. we dont have a whole lot in common. 

But i’ve exchanged msn addresses with them and they added me on myspace which was actually really handy because now i can surf around looking at profiles of the people at this school. i reckon you can tell alot about people from their myspace. the way the present themselves and everything, like how they right their “about me’s” whether they come off really bitchy, or cutsie, or funny, or boring and the type of pictures they have up. whoever said a pictures worth 1000 words is not wrong.

This new found freedom to just surf through and find out as much as i can about my peers is a tactic im going to make use of. maybe i can add the people i like the look of and see what comes of it. I find it easier to talk to people over the net to start of with. your more in controll  of the impression you make on people and i dunno, i like being able to have a think about stuff before i write it. If i make friends on the net i hope it makes me more aproachable at school but another great thing about myspace is i’ve got a heads up on the people that look like trouble.

using myspace has been very usefull for me but sometimes i feel like i shouldnt be looking at people’s spaces when i havent talked to them before. The world is definately becomming a smaller place with all this instant messaging via the internet, and all different sites people use to comunicate with eachother which is great when i comes to keeping in contact with my mum and my friends back in Ringwood, but is it violating somesones privacy to look at their space without knowing them? i spose if it was a concern to them they’d put their profile on private. thats what i tell myself anyway. It’s not that i think people would have a huge problem with it, more that if its that easy for me to surf around and get the deets about everyone at my school, theirs alot of information up for people with different intentions them me to make use of. well im always keeping my myspace profile on privateeeeee!

Oh God, lucky i set this thing up i think im going to explode!

it was a nightmare, an absolute nightmare! i dont know whats changed but today was TOTALLY different to every other time i started at new a school. At first it wasn’t bad, i went to my homegroup and the teacher introduced me to everyone, which was embarrassing but standard i guess.. then she set me up with some kids in the class and they talked to me and everything, asked me where i was from, things like that but after about three senconds homegroup was over! no one had gotten around to asking me about my timetable, so i didnt know who to go ith or even where i was going. the buildings are so confusing and when i finally found where i was they thought i was one of the younger kids and told me to get out! so i did! and then the teacher realised who i must be and came and got me but i was soooo embarrassing. everyone kept looking over and giggling and no one talked to me.

And the day just pretty much went on like that. By lunchtime i’d met this girl Paula and she took me to hang out ith her and her friends. but i hate them. i apreciate them taking me in but i hate them. i hope i make new friends soon. their so grotty, like sex freaks and nobody really liked them you can tell. everyone kept looking at me like i was discusting for hanging out with them. i dont need that kind of reputation on top of everything else.

oh god i feel better having got all that out. im used to be able to talk about stuff like this with my mum and my auntie but you cant really rage and storm about your feelings to your dad or brother. you cant go up to them and cry your eyes out because you made a dag out of yourself at school. well you could but the advive would be along the lines of, “your my best girl, things will be better tomorro” *pat on the head*

i wonder if my mum would be good at blogging. she used computers alot for work, maybe she could get one of these, read my entries and comment and stuff. i think that would be good. i can never get a hold of the phone in this house because dads partner spends half her life on it. but the phones no good anyway coz when mums home she’s at work and when she’s not, well, lets just say id be alsleep before i’d dialed all the numbers it’d take to reach her. i’ll email her and ask.

Hi im Polly. i’ve never blogged before. i have a myspace and everything but i dunno, i think id like this to be seperate from that. my older brother blogs all the time. he’s addicted. i dont want to be addicted but i just needed an outlet! that’s what he says its like, a place where you can just get all your thoughts out. Well here goes…

i turned 15 last tuesday and i just moved from my mums house in Ringwood to my dads in Melton. Not because she was horrible or anything, just because right now dad has more time. Mums work has been sending her to alot of different countries for conferences lately so it’s just easier this way. i’m not really fussed over which one of them i live with. both of my parents are great! they just weren’t great together, but we make it work the best we can.

and seeing as i’ll probably just stay here not for the rest of my school days i’ve just been enrolled at Melton Secondary College. There was a big family debate over whether i should go public or private. once again, not fussed but in the end public won because Jack, my brother, went to a public school and he did alright. got into the uni we wanted and everything.

I went to 3 differest primary schools so i’m not scared about being new at all. people have always been really nice. i think its all about the aproach you take. if your all shy and dont talk to anyone, no one will talk to you. but if your all up in everyones face people think your up yaself, i dunno i guess its all about balance. i think i’ll be alright though. we went and bought my uniform today and i start on monday. im actually a bit excited!